In less than a week I will be finished with clinicals in Tuscaloosa... then in May we are moving to Sylacauga, AL for just 280 more clinical hours before I graduate and am eligible to sit for boards to diagnose people and prescribe medications. I don't know about anyone else, but personally this makes me quite nervous. I don't feel like I know anywhere close to enough to be responsible for anyone's medical care. Also, I haven't taught a kid to swim for months, and I really miss it. I've been teaching kids to swim since long before I was old enough to take the classes, and it is oddly enough a very spiritual experience.
My passion is bringing a child to the first moment they are able to float by themselves; their first time being independent in the water. Before a person can swim, they need to be able to float. But floating can be quite frightening. You have to lie flat in the water, which means it gets in your ears, and you feel like you're going to sink. My kids don't sink, because I hold them up until I know they won't go under (unless they really want me to let go because they are so sure they can do it themselves... then they quickly see they can't, I fish them out and we move on), but it can take a long, long time before someone trusts the water enough to float. If a kid is scared, their muscle tension and trying to hold themselves up by sheer willpower will make them sink. If they aren't scared at all and are over-confident, they usually end up arching their backs so much their face goes under. The kids who do the best are the ones who do what I tell them to do, and don't really worry about it too much beyond that. Huh, how 'bout that.
The phrase "Let go and let God" bothers me because I think it offers an excuse to deny opportunity and forgo responsibility. Or to admit you can do nothing, but allow yourself to be consumed with worry. In some cases, the harder you work, the worse things get.
Humility is similar... the more you work on your humility, the more self-absorbed you become. Habitual, addictive sin? You're either focusing on the sin, or focusing on not sinning. Either way, your focus isn't on God. Our problems are so much smaller than God's solutions, and the Enemy would much rather have us trying to hold ourselves up, being so close, just trying so hard to get there, than giving all of ourselves to God and being free to float, swim, and do whatever He wants us to do. I applied to go back to school because I had prayed and fasted intensely, sought counsel, and I guess it is a little ridiculous to then question all the details...
